He, who is beautiful – chapter 1

Translator: Harse

Proofreader: Sakura

Editor: Sakura & armad224

The music that was playing at the end of the school day was a song called “The road home” and he didn’t like the strangely unpleasant melody. It was deliberately trying to make him feel lonely and hurry home.   

While listening to sad music, Hira was feeding rabbits raised at school* with his school lunch bread in the evening after school. At that time, an uncle** in a jersey called out to him from behind.

(TN: *The interaction with and the rearing of animals seem to have been employed as a method of teaching in Japan. Rabbits and chickens are the most commonly raised animals.  

**In Japan, it’s common (especially for kids) to call an unfamiliar person an “uncle” or an “auntie”. ))

“You like rabbits?” 

It was probably a teacher from school, but not one from Hira’s year. At the question of the teacher who was no different from an unknown uncle, Hira’s chest throbbed with an unpleasant feeling. Ah, maybe I can get a few words out. Thinking this, he opens his mouth to reply with simple words ‘I like them.’ 

“I-I-I-I-” 

Ah, as expected. They still won’t come out. The teacher in a jersey tilted his head in confusion at the red-faced Hira who stammered the word “I” in rapid succession while sweating underneath his clothes. 

“Ah, so you do like them. Go home before it gets dark.” 

The teacher in a jersey gently patted Hira’s head and Hira lowered his head in shame with the bread still in his hand. Why? ‘I like them’, even though these are such simple words. 

“…I like them.” 

When he tried saying them, the words spilled all too easily and he felt desperate. 

This doesn’t happen when he’s talking to family or close friends, but when he’s nervous the words won’t come out. The situations such as when he’s reading from a book are disastrous. In a silent classroom, everyone is listening to him. They all look and giggle at flustered Hira. 

When he just entered elementary school, Hira’s parents received a report from his homeroom teacher and took him to the hospital. He was diagnosed with stuttering, but the doctor told him not to be so nervous. Thus, he advised Hira to take a deep breath when he’s nervous and speak after he calmed down. The advice was helpful. But, it was not perfect. If he gets startled before he puts his feelings in order, then it’s already too late. He becomes like he was just now. ‘I-I-I-I’. 

To make things worse, just because he was often nervous, he didn’t know when and where the stuttering would come. The classmates felt sick of Hira who would suddenly spit short sounds like a peashooter, such as su-su-su-su or ka-ka-ka-ka, so Hira naturally became a reserved kid. 

It became a habit of his, to take a few breaths whenever he was asked something, so he wouldn’t feel nervous and when the other person became impatient, he’d finally start talking. Naturally, his classmates became irritated. They started calling Hira a “dumbass”. 

It felt unpleasant and sad. 

Even so, he thought it was better to be called dumbass rather than gross. 

Hira left the rest of the bread in the rabbit hut with a heavy-hearted sigh and left the school. 

As he walked alongside the irrigation canal, he saw something yellow flowing from the other side. It was a yellow plastic duck doll with round eyes and curly eyelashes drawn on it, that someone had either dropped or thrown away. Indeed, there was the name ‘Captain Duck’ on it. At the sight of it being washed away in a concrete irrigation canal, Hira felt indescribable sympathy. 

Captain Duck, who should’ve been floating in a warm bath or a children’s pool, was for some reason forced to flow through the dirty irrigation canal. What happened to his life? 

It’s not like Captain Duck is flowing through the dirty irrigation canal because he likes it. 

He is the same. It’s not like he’s shortening his words because he likes it. 

The world is full of things that don’t go well. 

Hira saw Captain Duck off with a proper salute, then continued on his way home. 

When he entered junior high school, the class system was more clearly divided than in elementary school. The school is made up of a caste system, creating a sort of pyramid that includes: upper class, middle class, bottom class, those with no presence, and those referred to as trash. So, it was natural for Hira, who was established as a reserved and gloomy guy, to be included at the bottom part of the pyramid. 

The bottom is a group made of fellows from the lower class, but the reserved and gloomy Hira was a stray bottom with no close friends. There are several strays in that school grade, and one of them is a girl who is classified as trash. That girl that doesn’t know her place was guilty of talking to a boy from the top of the pyramid in an overly-familiar way and was bullied by the girls who were also at the top. It’s a modern version of rudeness. 

The always absent-minded Hira was considered harmless and was not bullied. Instead, he was treated like invisible air. Yama-chan, who occasionally played with him until elementary school, joined the soccer club, suddenly became refined and now pretends to not know him when they pass by each other in the corridor. Finally, he became invisible even in Yama-chan’s eyes. An invisible man.   

Of course, it felt unpleasant and sad. 

Even so, he thought that being an invisible man was much better than being bullied. 

He felt that he had gone one step down again through the same circuit as when he was in elementary school. 

Some people look up and get inspired and some people look down and feel at ease. The latter may fall but not rise. Even though he understands that, right now at this moment he’s looking for a secure place for his heart. At moments like this, Captain Duck flowing through the irrigation canal always crosses his mind. 

He must put his mind at peace as much as possible. He mustn’t be sensitive to stimuli. 

Even if he’s like Captain Duck with curly eyelashes flowing through a dirty artificial river. 

He wanted to make the pathetic reality look like something from a movie by stacking himself with images full of subtle humor. 

Even though he was secretly thinking of a way to protect his feelings like that, Hira strangely and clearly hated the homeroom teacher, who gave his parents an extremely insensitive report such as “He doesn’t have any friends and he’s not fitting in with the rest of the class.” 

“Amazing, isn’t it? Seeing such scenery for the first time.” 

His mother’s eyes shine as she faces the scenery that spreads in front of her. 

“There, Kazunari,* take pictures however you like!” 

(TN: Kazunari seems to be Hira’s first name. )

His father puts his hand on Hira’s tiny shoulder and says “there, there”, while he’s pushing him forward. 

Prompted by the energy of the two, Hira took a step forward holding an expensive digital SLR camera that was too good to waste on a junior high school student. The shutter is automatically released, facing a colorful cluster of lilies in full bloom with a white birch forest in the background. Orange, peach color, red, white, yellow. His eyes were shining. 

(TN: SLR camera = single-lens reflex camera) 

“The weather is nice. I’m glad we came!” 

“Mhm, Kazunari also looks happy.” 

His parents are whispering behind him. 

Hira pretends that he doesn’t hear them. 

It was about a month ago that he overheard his parents talking in the living room late at night after receiving a troubling report from his homeroom teacher. His father comforted his mother, saying that the stuttering, which is causing this situation, is mild and many people cured it by adulthood, so they should hope this is the case for him as well. 

Hira quietly returned to his room with the voice of his parents saying that it would be nice if he had a hobby that he could be absorbed in. His heart was full of sadness, frustration, and misery, and he couldn’t forgive that teacher who devastated not only his life at school but also at home. 

The next weekend, his father gave him a present even though it wasn’t his birthday. He said he won the prize for golf but did he even play golf? When he opened it, there was a camera inside. A digital single-lens reflex camera, the one that is often seen on commercials these days. 

He remembered his parents’ conversation about how it’d be nice if he had a hobby that he could be absorbed in, and he understood how it led to this. He can take pictures by himself, he’ll have more opportunities to go outside and it’s a pretty suitable hobby for a liberal arts boy. But first of all, he shouldn’t let his parents’ wishes go to waste. 

“Thank you, I’ll cherish it.” 

When he gave them an awkward smile, his parents smiled in relief.  

“Let’s go somewhere to take photos this holiday.” 

And so, today, Hira keeps releasing the shutter* towards lilies. 

TN: Basically, just pressing a button on the camera to release the shutter and take a pic. 

Whether you look to the right or the left, there are lilies, lilies, lilies, and even if you climb up with a lift, there’s also a viewing platform for them. He wondered what they’re doing with so many lilies. Are they that pretty? Ah, or do they eat them? Does the lily bulb that you put in savory egg custard come from this lily’s root? 

“Kazu-kun, Kazu-kun, take pictures of dad and mom too!” 

When he turned around, his mom and dad were smiling and making a peace sign, so he responded with “Yes, say cheese!” in a voice that didn’t go well with the SLR camera* and took a photo. 

TN: Meaning, someone with such an expensive camera should act more professional lol. Didn’t know how else to put this!

By the time they returned, Hira became exhausted. It was because he laughed uncharacteristically and pretended to be in high spirits so as not to disappoint his parents. 

The next day, he tried editing the photos on his computer, but he still didn’t think they are beautiful. Birch’s green leaves and white trunk. Lilies that are too colorful. Orange, peach color, red, white, yellow. He felt sick as he stared at the scenery so artificial and far from natural. 

He moved a mouse and erased one orange lily with image processing software. 

Peach colored, red, white, and yellow were erased one by one, like in an assembly line. 

He wasn’t thinking about anything.  

After looking at the photo ridiculously full of holes, he finally came to his senses. 

Ah, now I’ve done it. 

He ruined the photos that he took at the place where his parents brought him and with a camera they bought for him with good intentions. He could get them back with just one click, but the problem is that he has done it. He hurriedly restored it, and when he opened the next photo with his parents standing side by side and making a peace sign, the feeling of guilt reached its peak. 

Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry for being like this. 

Sounds ka-ka-ka and ki-ki-ki that resembled a bird’s chirping began to sound in Hira’s eardrum while he apologized earnestly. His chest became so painful and he called out “Captain Duck, Captain Duck” and the doctor’s name. 

He must put his mind at peace as much as possible. He mustn’t be sensitive to stimuli. 

Like Captain Duck with curly eyelashes flowing through the dirty artificial river.  

It’s easier to live every day if you’re insensitive. However, that day Captain Duck was caught in a violent current, hit concrete walls here and there, and was covered with wounds. 

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